Senior Farewell: Despite tough times, I would not redo high school

If I was offered the chance to redo high school, I would decline without a second thought. 

This doesn’t mean the past four were perfect. My grades have been fairly decent but I know myself and I know that if I tried harder, they would have been better. I participated in extracurricular activities and while I have a solid resume, there are more things I could have done. 

More importantly, though, I wasted years of my life being someone I was not, and it took complete isolation for me to even realize that. 

Coming into high school, like many others, I was stuck on the idea of fitting in. I wanted to have a social life and to do that, I believed I had to become the friendliest, most outgoing version of myself. As much as I would love to say this didn’t work and I needed to be myself in order to be liked, ​​I got the results I wanted.

When quarantine began, the relationships I cared so much about became meaningless to me. Being disconnected from people, both physically and emotionally, was a harsh reality check; I knew nothing about myself. 

Sophomore year forced me to finally understand who I am. At the time, that felt like the most difficult thing in the world. Until then, I had never actually had to think for myself: I was so accustomed to basing my interests and opinions on the people around me. 

When I finally started to see myself as an individual, I saw the things that made me different from other people. I became incredibly aware of my flaws and that was overwhelming. I constantly criticized myself for both what I was and what I was not. 

This period of time, while more emotionally exhausting than anything I had ever experienced before, was good for me. My criticisms were genuine. I was unsatisfied for the right reason — I knew that I could be a better, happier version of myself. This is also when I learned that as much as I love to be around people, I also love to be alone.

It would make sense for me to reflect on the past four years and say that they were miserable. They ended up being harder than I ever could have imagined. Ultimately, though, I would not change my experiences and mistakes, even if offered the opportunity to. They played a crucial role in my personal growth and I am thankful for that.